What the readers say

I want to thank everyone for all their feedback (especially the compliments!). I haven't been dancing much lately and this has allowed me to get more involved in dancing than I have been in a long time. It's been a lot of fun.

Benson

General Issues

• "For the record, sweat on my partner doesn't bother me at all, no matter how wet he is; I just figure the guy is healthy."

  This is a surprise. How many of you agree? Disagree?

  On October 11, 1998, I finally met the young lady who gave me this response. She told me that she changed her mind. :-)

• Asking for a dance
  This applies to both leaders and followers. Someone wanted to know about the ettiquette of asking a man/leader to dance if that person is (much) more skilled than she is. I say, go for it. He should be polite enough to say yes unless he's tired. There are generally many more women than men on the dance floor so the aggresive ones are the ones who will get to dance. Don't wait for a guy to ask you to dance! (some of us are *extremely* shy!)

• Teaching on the dance floor
  So far I had a few followers who didn't mind being taught on the dance floor. One was a beginner and was eager to learn as much as possible. How do you veterans feel about this? One friend of mine will say, "Do it again!", if her partner leads something new and she wants to learn it. I think that guys/leaders should *never* initiate teaching on the dance floor...ever.

• Unintentional criticism...
  Be careful here. Sometimes a random comment can come across the wrong way. A little consideration might be a good thing. A guy might casually say, "You need to relax more when you dance". The obvious retort might be "Yeah? Well YOU need to learn how to lead better, pal!" Even if the observation was accurate, the delivery of a casual comment can turn nasty, even if unintentional.

• A local teacher says, "...a class and a dance are different things. You go to each with a different goal. Class is to learn and practice. A dance is a place to do just that...dance. In class, comments about things not working generally are more accepted (but be careful since many people take comments about their dancing very personally!). Doing the same move 50 gazillion times is sometimes appropriate in a class - after all, practice makes permanent! On the dance floor, though, more than 3 times in a row of any move is too much. Boooorrrrring."
• Women with long hair
  "I would prefer to wear a ponytail when dancing, but if I do, I can inflict damage. While it would be nice if leaders could avoid the positions where they'll get hit, I prefer not to offend my partners with a mouthful of hair (sometimes, I'd like to dance with them again ;) I have figured out two workable solutions, depending on how long my hair is, both based on the same idea.
  • If shorter, I simply put my hair in a ponytail, then grab the ponytail above the elastic and divide the hair above the elastic in two, then pull the ponytail throught the space. This looks decent, creating a sort of forties roll to it, and the rest of the ponytail is shorter and held closer to my neck where it is less likely to cause injury.
  • When my hair is longer, I do the same thing, but after I have pulled the tail through, I braid it and tuck it back up under the elastic and pin it (I don't use regular bobby pins, they just pop out when dancing, I use hard to find, expensive double helix hairpins called 'Hair scroos' - don't laugh, they work).
  Both of the styles work pretty well - they've proven to be lindy resistant, easy to style and not too bad looking. - Jessica.

Women's dance fashions

• pants vs. short skirts vs. long skirts
  My friend Martha said that with a long skirt it felt like her dress was two beats behind. I think that keeping the dresses between just below to the knee or just above the knee produces the best effect (like the 1940's swing era look). Any shorter and she'll spend much of a dance showing off her dance pants or underwear (or something else). One of our esteemed Dukes of Dance says, "Personally, I don't like the aesthetic of bike shorts under dresses. Either wear a dress or pants. But, I think I'm alone here." He's definite *not* alone in that opinion.

• tight vs. loose
  "Tight clothes can be restrictive. Too loose and clothes can get in your way". "The problem with tight clothes is that you need the self-confidence to go with them," says one well-known Boston dancer. "If you've got it, then enjoy!"

• tank tops vs. sleeves
  I guess this goes back to the comment about sweat on exposed skin. One woman says that comfort is always important, as well as being able to move appropriately in your clothes. Murph says that she never wears clothes with super low backs while dancing because she doesn't want sweaty palms on her back. One guy said "Think about sweat and how your partner would feel."

• hair down vs. hair pinned up
  I had one dancer catch her long hair on me when I bent my arm and clamped on her hair. Another dancer told me his girlfriend caught her hair in his glasses! (ouch!) What's comfortable? Well, having your hair whip in your face or your partner's is probably not comfortable or pleasant (usually happens with ponytails). "Super long hair is not good for a closed dance position because the leader ends up with a fist of hair. Clips and barrettes, if chosen poorly, can be lost during a dance, particularly during spins." says one who knows.

• flat shoes vs. heels
  I think that heels help women produce that right walking movement in West Coast Swing that is so cool (plus the fact that I like the way women look in heels. :-) ) Flats or low heels would be more appropriate in Lindy and/or East Coast Swing because of the constantly changing movement. However, I'm sure that if guys had to wear heels, the heels would fall out of fashion fairly quickly. One guy said that he was more comfortable dancing with women who wore flats. It would be awful if a woman twisted a leg because of heels. "Lindy is about being crazy and quick, not tall and sexy," in one man's opinion. "Heels have always accentuated women's legs, but I personally prefer flat shoes since I dance both [ECS and WCS] styles", says Jitterbug Jane. "Heels are impractical for swing dancing", says the Lindy Man. In ballroom, "heels are de riguer". "Get shoes that have ties or straps to secure the shoe to the foot. There's nothing more annoying than trying to keep your loose fitting pumps on your feet while you try to dance. And it's embarrassing when a shoe goes flying." The real fashion problem women struggle with is how to get comfortable dance shoes (such as the black & white lace-up lindy shoes) to look good with an elegant (short or long) gown or even a basic skirt. Perhaps that's why some women dance only in pants.

Men's Fashions

• Collars
  Pay attention to this, guys. My favorite leading lady (ha!) says, "Men's shirts with collars also convey a more "dressy" appearance than T-shirts. So, if you are at a more upscale kind of event, don the collar shirt."

The Leaders

• 'When I asked the teacher to explain the followers role in a dance move, his answer was "you don't need to have it explained, all you have to do is follow". As far as I am concerned, he insulted half his class. I give him lousy grades for a teacher. I would not want to dance with this person.'

  'Do you think that dancing draws a particular type of controlling personality? I would seem that I am consistently running into leaders who have a control problem. While the leader is supposed to be in "control", you don't have to be rude about it. It is fun to be nice and it makes dancing more enjoyable.'

  No, it isn't who you think it is. :-P Guys, pay attention to this. Look at which guys get asked to dance the most and find out why. It might not have anything to do with how well they dance.

• Dancing with Pain

  "I read with interest your letters re: dance ettiquette. I have a simple rule I use and I teach to the students. If someone asks you to dance, say yes, and dance one dance, then say thank you and move on. It's rude to say no. If you know of a partner who you'd rather avoid, say because they lead by pulling your arms out of their sockets, you need to learn to keep your wits about you, avoid eye contact with them, and if you see them coming, ask someone else to dance quickly. It wouldn't hurt if you ask someone new to the dance floor, and helped tutor them along for one dance- didn't people help you out at the beginning? I think everyone has a duty to do a tutor dance or two every time they go out dancing. ?

  This sounds like some common-sense advice.

Copyright © Benson Wong, 1997, 1998. All rights reserved by the author. This article are intended for the reading pleasure of the DanceNet On The Web readers. Duplication or use in any other medium, including but not limited to print publication, another web site, or downloading to a storage medium on CD, floppy disk, hard drive, zip drive, or tape, without the written permission of the author is prohibited.

Last updated January 14, 1999.

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